


Quartet for the End of Time

by grumpy_dragon



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Music Major AU, everyone gets to suffer and play music, nearly everyone will appear so i'm only tagging the main ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-10-16
Packaged: 2018-08-22 19:43:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8298094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumpy_dragon/pseuds/grumpy_dragon
Summary: Allen Walker arrives at the renowned Black Order University, expecting to spend his time studying music and keeping his classmates at a friendly arm's length. But his past is on its way back to haunt him, and his new friends have dark secrets of their own. Over early classes, late rehearsals, and a quartet by Olivier Messiaen, truths will be brought to light and bonds will be forged that not even the most sinister of conspiracies can break. Or can they?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've finally succumbed to the temptation of writing a D.Gray-man AU fic. There will be angst, shenanigans, and lots of classical music references. Mugen is Kanda's violin. Enjoy. :)
> 
> (Courtesy of the tragic pasts these poor children have, there will be depictions of traumatic events and mental health issues. Specific warnings will be at the beginning of chapters.)

 

Allen Walker was lost. Of course, it was his own damn fault because he’d forgotten to write down his dorm and room number, but he could at least pretend it was because campus was huge. And confusing. He was certain he’d walked by the chemistry labs at least four times now. Or maybe there were four different chemistry labs. Either way, he still had no idea where the music dorms were. He sighed and sat down on a bench – he’d been wandering around campus for hours and his feet could use a break for a few minutes before he continued his increasingly hopeless search. He’d tried asking for directions, but everyone he’d talked to was either new and didn’t know, or gave directions that were impossible to follow. And he’d found a campus map outside one of the buildings, but it didn’t tell him where he was, so it was worse than useless. The universe was taunting him, he decided. Or maybe his sense of direction was even more terrible than he’d thought.

“Can I help you?” a woman’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “You look lost.”

Allen looked up, and found himself face to face with an earnest-looking Chinese girl. “Well… yeah,” he admitted, laughing and rubbing the back of his head self-consciously. “I have a terrible sense of direction. I was trying to find the music dorms, but… ah… I seem to have gotten a bit lost. As you can see.”

She smiled. “That’s not hard to do. It’s a big campus. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it pretty quickly. You can follow me for now, though, I’m on the way to the music dorms myself.”

Allen grinned in relief. “Oh, thank god, I was starting to worry I’d have to sleep under this bench. It’s Allen, by the way.” He held out a gloved hand. She took it firmly, and Allen’s eyes widened at the strength of her grip. He made a mental note to stay on this chick’s good side.

“I’m Lenalee. Sophomore, clarinet, music technology major. What about you?”

“Oh! I’m a freshman. Music performance major. I play piano.”

“Good, now we have the obligatory questions out of the way,” she said, releasing his hand and leading him in what he assumed was the direction of his dorm. “Well, I guess where you’re from is also on the list, but from the accent I’m guessing England.” She glanced at him for affirmation, and he nodded.

“I grew up in Liverpool, but I’ve moved around a lot during the past few years. Cross never liked to stay in one place for too long. Worthless master,” he muttered, his expression darkening.

“Master?” Lenalee questioned, and Allen’s eyes flicked over to her with an unreadable look.

“He’s my godfather, but he didn’t want the responsibility of having a son, so he made me his apprentice. Good-for-nothing idiot.” He paused, then abruptly brightened and continued. “Anyway, are you from around here?”

“I am now, but I grew up in China.” She hummed thoughtfully. “There are a lot of immigrants in the music department. Let’s see… Kanda’s from Japan, Link’s from Germany, Daisya’s from Spain… oh, Wisely’s from England too! And you both have white hair. Don’t piss him off though, he can get kind of testy.” She hesitated. “Actually, I should warn you not to piss off Kanda either. Don’t worry about him too much, though, he doesn’t mean it.”

Allen was about to ask her what she meant by that, but before he could open his mouth Lenalee cheerfully dragged him inside a building and announced that this was the music dorm. “Everyone, this is Allen!” she called to the smattering of people in the common room. “He’s from England and he plays piano!”

Allen was almost immediately attacked by something red… or so he thought for a moment, before he realized it was actually just a person shaking his hand with a shocking amount of enthusiasm. He blinked up at the person, who was grinning like he’d just gotten free concert tickets. “It’s Lavi,” he announced, and Allen nodded mutely.

“Tch, you’re scaring him,” a deep voice commented, and Allen turned towards the voice to find a tall Japanese man glaring in his direction.

“I am not!” Lavi insisted, draping an arm over Allen’s shoulders. “Allen loves me. Right, Allen?”

“Um… sure?” Allen supplied. He briefly wondered if everyone here was this weird, but he supposed it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he was the king of normalcy himself.

“I knew it!” Lavi crowed, and promptly released Allen to bounce over to the glaring Japanese man. “Come on, Yuu, stop glaring at the new guy.” He latched onto the man’s arm, grin never wavering. “You should try to make friends, come on!”

“I don’t need to make friends with a fucking beansprout,” the man replied. “And it’s _Kanda._ ” He shrugged Lavi off and stalked away, muttering something about idiot rabbits and practicing and Mugen. Lavi stared after him for a moment, then shrugged.

“Yuu’s a nice person,” he stated, reaching for Allen’s suitcase. “Here, I’ll help you carry that to your room. Where is your room, by the way?”

“Um… I don’t actually remember the room number,” Allen admitted. “I kind of hoped there was a list or something that I could check…” He glanced back over to Lenalee, and she nodded.

“I’ll track down Link. He’s the RA, he should know. And he’ll need to give you check-in papers and stuff to fill out.” She skipped off, leaving Allen alone with Lavi and a brown-haired man in a soccer uniform who was sprawled across a couch doing something on his phone.

“You’re lying to the poor kid,” he commented, eyes never wavering from whatever it was he was doing. “Kanda’s an asshole.”

“Yeah, but he’s a nice asshole,” Lavi replied, unfazed. “He’s my roommate, I know him.”

“He’s my brother, and he’s an asshole,” was the reply. The brown-haired man slid off the couch and sauntered over to Allen with an outstretched hand and a crooked grin. “Daisya Barry. Nice to meet you.”

“Allen Walker,” Allen replied. “Wait… you’re… Kanda’s brother?” They looked nothing alike, and he was pretty sure Lenalee had said they were from different countries.

Daisya rolled his eyes and smirked. “Foster brother. Not that he’d ever admit to being my family. Cause he’s an asshole. Anyway, nice meeting you. I’ve gotta head to practice. Good luck with finding your room and shit.”

“Uh… thanks.” Allen half-waved at Daisya’s receding form before turning back to Lavi. “Wait, so… what’s your major?”

Lavi lit up at the question. “Music history! I’m currently working on a comparative analysis of the different types of neumes used during the European Middle Ages and how they evolved into the modern musical notation we would recognize. It’s really interesting, actually, since it offers a lot of insight on how we’ve traditionally perceived melody and relative pitch, and—”

A folder hit him in the head, abruptly cutting short the flow of words. “You know, I think Kanda might be right,” Lenalee said. “You’re gonna scare him off.”

Lavi laughed. “I won’t scare him, Lenalady!” He whipped around to look Allen in the eyes, his expression deadly serious. “It’s Lena you’ve got to watch out for,” he whispered. “One misstep and you’re dead, I’m not kidding.”

“Oh, shut up.” Lenalee smacked him with the folder again, then handed it to Allen. “Your forms are in there. You’re in Room 106, with Link. Lucky you, rooming with the RA. He’s not that bad, I promise. A bit stuffy, though.” She gestured to the figure standing behind her. “I mean, he’s dressed like he’s going to a business meeting, seriously. Anyway, I’ll let him fill you in. I’ve got to finish unpacking.”

Lenalee dashed off, and the figure—Link, Allen supposed—cleared his throat in mild embarrassment. “I like to give the residents a professional first impression of the music department,” he stated, then sent a pointed glare in Lavi’s direction. “Since, obviously, no one else will.” Lavi only shrugged, and Link sighed. “You’re Allen Walker, then? Howard Link. You can call me Link. It seems Lenalee has already given you the other details. Why don’t we get your bags to the room?”

Allen voiced his assent and trailed after Link. He was followed closely by Lavi, who insisted on carrying his suitcase for him, despite Allen’s protests that it really wasn’t far and he could carry his own bag.

“Your bed is on the left,” Link announced as he pushed open the door to their room. It was small, but roomy enough given that he had only brought the necessities and Link appeared to be the neat-freak type. “Feel free to move around your desk and dresser if you want, but keep things tidy.” Allen thanked him and shrugged his backpack off of his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground by the foot of the bed. Lavi set the suitcase down next to it, then flopped down on Allen’s bed.

“Dude, this mattress is rock-hard,” he commented. “Do you have a mattress pad or something to make it more comfortable? Hell, do you even have sheets? You brought almost nothing.”

“I have sheets,” Allen said. “And I’m used to hard mattresses, don’t worry.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and unceremoniously shoved Lavi’s feet off. The mattress was sketchy enough already without the addition of whatever happened to be on the soles of the redhead’s shoes. Lavi blinked at him mournfully with his one visible eye, and Allen smiled sweetly. “No shoes on the bed.”

“But they’re clean,” Lavi protested.

Link scoffed from across the room. “I doubt anything you’re wearing is clean enough to be on a piece of furniture right now. Allen, if after tonight you decide you want to get a mattress pad or something else to make yourself more comfortable, I can give you a ride to the store to get whatever it is you need.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine, but the offer is much appreciated,” Allen replied. Truth be told, the mattress did seem like it would be rather uncomfortable, but he’d get used to it in a few days. It definitely wasn’t worth complaining about, anyway.

“If you’re sure,” Link said, and walked across the room to organize his desk. “Let me know if there’s anything you need, though.”

“I will,” Allen promised. Not because it was true, but it was the polite thing. And he did need a couple of things. Like a map. He asked Link for one, admitting that without Lenalee’s help he would still be wandering around campus right now.

“If a map didn’t help you earlier it probably won’t do much good now,” Lavi said, as Allen tried (and so far, failed) to find their residence hall on the foldable map Link supplied. “I can do you one better, though.” The redhead sat up with an excited bounce and grinned at Allen. “I’m gonna give you a tour!”

Allen blinked. “A tour?”

“Yeah! I’ll show you around campus, so you know where everything important is, and then we can stop by the dining hall for dinner. Link has some RA meeting this evening anyway, so your choices are either sitting alone in a stuffy dorm room or going on an adventure with the magnificent Lavi!” He paused, then stage-whispered, “Choose the magnificent Lavi.”

It didn’t look like he had much of a choice. “Alright then, Mr. Magnificent Lavi. Show me around.”

“Excellent!” Lavi was on his feet so fast Allen was tempted to check for springs. “Let’s go! You should probably bring water or something, because it’s sweltering out there. I don’t want you collapsing from heatstroke or anything. Especially with those long sleeves and gloves. How are you not broiling, man?”

“I… guess I’m just used to it,” Allen replied, tugging his left glove down more securely. He _wa_ s broiling, but it was better than the alternative.

“But you’re British! It’s, like, cold in England. Shouldn’t you have really bad heat tolerance or something? Wait.” Lavi’s eye narrowed. “It’s a subculture thing, isn’t it? That’s totally cool, by the way,” he added hastily. “I just can’t tell what it is. Is it, like, a new branch of emo or something? Or… shit, I don’t know anything about subcultures. But you’ve got the tattoo and the dyed hair, so you must be super dedicated. I mean, I might be totally clueless, but I’m your friend, so I want to know what sort of stuff you like!”

 _He’s more clueless than he knows_ , Allen thought, scuffing his foot against the bedpost and refusing to meet Lavi’s eye. “Well, actually…”

“Stop scaring him, Lavi,” Link reprimanded, not glancing up from whatever he was doing.

“I just want to get to know him!” Lavi whined. “Come on, Allen, tell me about yourself. Have you always been into emo stuff? Or whatever it is? Because you’ve gotta be intense to dye your hair pure white and get a tattoo on your face.”

“Um… actually, my hair isn’t dyed,” Allen said quietly. “And… that’s a scar, not a tattoo.”

Even Link glanced up at that, and Lavi’s mouth formed a quiet ‘o’. Allen wanted to shrink into himself. Day one and he’d already shocked people with his weirdness. He should’ve just let Lavi think it was some emo thing.

“…fuck,” Lavi finally whispered. “That’s messed up. Who the hell cuts a fucking pentagram into some kid’s face?”

Allen stared at the floor without answering, and after a moment Lavi broke the silence.

“Look, buddy, you don’t have to answer that. Just… fuck, that’s awful. And hey, I get it.” He pointed to his eyepatch. “This isn’t just a fashion statement. It’s not a fun story either, so I’m not gonna pry about yours. Please don’t hate me, Allen, I swear I had no idea.” The look on his face was so utterly contrite and pathetic that Allen had to bite back a laugh.

“You’re forgiven,” he assured him. “Your puppy dog face is just sad, though.”

Lavi pouted. “I do a great puppy dog face. If you want sad you should see Yuu’s.”

Allen had a hard time picturing Kanda with anything resembling a puppy dog expression, and said as much to Lavi.

“That’s the point,” was the reply. “He’s the prettiest person you’ll ever meet, but he has no idea how to look anything but pissed off. When he wants something he just threatens people. I’ve tried teaching him, I swear.” Lavi threw his hands up helplessly. “What can I say, the man is hopeless. Anyway, you should grab water so we can go. I want to get to the dining hall early. If you wait too long the food gets all cold and starts congealing and it’s gross, and I have to show you around campus first too.”

“Okay, okay.” Allen unearthed his water bottle from his backpack and gestured towards the door. “Lead on, then, Magnificent Lavi.”

“Alright! I’ll show you the music building first, because that’s where you’ll be spending most of your time, probably. And the library. And the dining hall, but we’ll get there last. Ooh, if you have your schedule we can find where all of your classes are so you don’t get lost on the first day and end up showing up late to everything. Or showing up to the wrong class, not that I know anyone who’s—oof!” Lavi had been walking down the hall backwards, and now turned around slowly to face the consequences of that decision. “Hi, Yuu!”

“Watch where you’re going, idiot. And don’t call me that.” As far as Allen could tell, Kanda was trying to make Lavi spontaneously combust by glaring at him. Lavi laughed nervously.

“Oh, come on, Yuu, you could have dodged!”

“That’s not the fucking point.” Kanda lunged towards his roommate, who released a rather unmanly squeak and dashed behind Allen.

“Allen, we’re friends right? You’ve gotta protect me, he’s gonna kill me.” Lavi clung to Allen’s shoulders and peered around at the glaring Kanda. “He’ll kill me,” he whispered urgently. “Then I’ll be dead.”

“Um…” Allen looked between the two of them, and decided his best course of action was to get out of the way. “I think you’re going to have to sort this one out yourself, Lavi.”

“Come on, Allen…”

“Your stupid puppy face isn’t going to save you this time, idiot rabbit,” Kanda said. “Stop hiding being the beansprout.”

“Beansprout?!” Allen stared at Kanda, incredulous. Okay, so he’d decided to stay out of it, but _beansprout_? He was changing his mind. “Why am I a beansprout?”

“Because you fucking are,” Kanda replied, like it was obvious.

“I am not! My name is _Allen._ ” Allen stepped closer to Kanda and returned the man’s glare. “It’s _Allen,_ ” he repeated.

Kanda shrugged. “I don’t care. Beansprout.”

“I am not a beansprout!” Heat rushed to Allen’s face, and his fists clenched. The rational part of him insisted that Kanda was just trying to get a rise out of him, but he ignored it. He wasn’t a damn beansprout. “Why do you feel the need to be such a jerk?”

“Why do you feel the need to be a beansprout?”

“I’m not. And even if I was, it’s better than being an asshole. Speaking of, does your ass get jealous of all the shit that’s in your personality?”

Kanda froze. “What. Did you just say to me?”

“I asked if—”

“I _heard_ what you said.” Kanda took a step forward and grabbed the front of Allen’s shirt, bringing their faces to within inches of each other. “Where do you get off thinking you’re better than me, you fucking cultist?” He tapped the left side of his face, and Allen’s hand immediately flew up to cover the scar. “I know your type, all fake smiles and fake manners hiding all the ugliness underneath. Did you think you’d fool me?”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Allen hissed. He pried Kanda’s hand off of his shirt and shoved, sending the taller man reeling several steps back.

“Guys…” Both of them spun towards Lavi’s voice. “Can you… try to get along? Please? Link’s gonna hear you and he’ll probably cite you for violence or something…”

Kanda scoffed. “Why do you care? You’re not going to get in trouble.”

“Please?”

“Fine. We can finish this later.” Kanda sent a final glare at Allen before stalking off, and Lavi released a sigh of relief.

“Is he always like that?” Allen asked. Lavi shrugged.

“I mean, he’s an asshole, but I’ve never seen him get riled up that quickly. And I sleep like four feet away from him.” Lavi regarded Allen with something akin to wonder. “What’s your secret?”

“I have no idea,” Allen replied, staring at Kanda’s receding back. Fake smiles, huh? Kanda was an asshole, but he was a perceptive asshole. Everyone else had been fooled. Still, fake smiles were better than going around making everyone into an enemy. Allen wasn’t interested in competing for Jerk of the Year. He turned to Lavi with a smile. “Um… sorry about that. We should probably get going, huh?”

“We should.” Lavi grabbed Allen’s arm and pulled him forward. Over his shoulder he offered the younger boy a crooked grin. “We don’t want any lost beansprouts wandering around campus, after all!”

“Hey!”

“What? I think it’s cute! The music department is this way, come on.”

Allen sighed and followed. Already this seemed like a losing battle. Seriously, though. Of everything, it had to be _beansprout_?

 

***** 

 

Link returned from his RA meeting a little after nine that evening. Allen had opened the window to get some air movement in the room, which had grown stifling during the late afternoon. A breeze rushed through the room when Link opened the door, stirring the papers on his desk and sending a few of them fluttering to the ground. Allen hurried to pick them up.

“So how’d the meeting go?”

“It was fine,” Link replied. He sat down at his desk and pulled out a folder. Allen watched him for a few minutes.

“What are you working on?”

“RA paperwork.” Link signed a sheet of paper and flipped it over. “I have to sign off on everyone’s check-in forms and send out an email to everyone in the residence hall outlining the rules and regulations.”

“That sounds boring,” Allen commented. “Lenalee was right when she said you liked paperwork.” He propped an elbow on the desk and rested his chin on a gloved hand. Link hadn’t asked about it yet, for which Allen was grateful, but he was sure it was only a matter of time. Most people didn’t go around wearing long sleeves and gloves in the late August heat. Though maybe Link was too preoccupied to care one way or the other… Allen hoped that was the case. “Has everyone checked in?” he asked, determined to carry on the conversation even though Link appeared content filling out forms in silence.

“All but one person, I believe.” Link shuffled around a few papers to look at what Allen assumed was a list of residents. “Hm. Just one left. Technically everyone was supposed to check in by five this afternoon, but there’s always someone who’s late for one reason or another. Hopefully he gets here soon.”

Allen was about to ask what would happen if he didn’t show up, but before he could speak a tentative knock sounded on the door. Link pushed himself up from the desk to go open it, and another gust of air scattered the RA forms he had been working on. Allen sighed and knelt to pick them up, watching the events at the doorway with some interest.

Standing in the hallway, with a backpack slung over one shoulder and a duffel bag over the other, was a slender young man with purple-and-blue-dyed hair and an apologetic smile. Another figure was hovering behind him, but Allen couldn’t see them from his position.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” the new arrival gushed. “I know this has to be a terrible first impression, but hopefully I didn’t disturb anything. I was hoping since it was still before ten you wouldn’t be asleep yet… wait, you are the RA, right? Someone said that this was the RA’s room and I should check in with you, but then the door was closed and I wasn’t sure, so…” He trailed off and rubbed awkwardly at one of the straps across his shoulders, still smiling like his life depended on it.

“You’re fine,” Link assured him, voice tinged with amusement. “You got the right door. I’m Howard Link, you can call me Link.”

“It’s so nice to meet you, Link!” the newcomer exclaimed, reaching out to shake Link’s hand. The movement disrupted the precarious balance of the bags hanging from his shoulders, and the strap of the duffel bag slid down to his elbow, throwing him off balance. His grin turned sheepish as he struggled to readjust it, and after several seconds of failure the figure behind him reached out and took the duffel bag away from him. “Thanks Bak,” he said, and held out his hand to Link again. This time the handshake was successful. “Sorry! Um, I’m Alma. I’m probably the last person to check in, aren’t I?”

“You are, but don’t worry about it.” Link retrieved a few papers from the desk and handed them to Alma along with a room key. “These are your key and check-in forms. Fill the forms out and get them to me tomorrow if possible. Your room number is 114, it’s just down the hall. Allen will show you.”

Allen jumped up and made his way to the door, shaking Alma’s hand quickly before turning to Link. “Room 114…?”

“Down the hall. Same side as we’re on. You can help him carry stuff.”

Allen ended up with the duffel bag Alma had nearly dropped earlier, and found himself leading Alma and the other person – Bak Chang, apparently Alma’s older brother – down the hallway. Alma’s smile never wavered, though his eyes darted around nervously, as if he was expecting someone to jump out at him any moment. Bak said something to him in a low voice, and after a moment he relaxed and his smile melted into something a little more genuine.

“This is it,” Allen announced, and stood aside so Alma could unlock the door to his room. He started to warn Alma to knock before opening the door in case his roommate was changing or something, but when Alma pushed open the door (without knocking) they were greeted only by silence and an empty room.

“Um… I guess we can just set stuff down on the bed for now. I’ll unpack later.” There was only one bed in the room – Alma dropped his backpack on the mattress and turned to Allen. “Thanks for helping me carry stuff. Poor Bak almost turned into a pack mule when he took that duffel bag off my hands.” He gave his brother a teasing poke in the ribs, and Bak flushed.

“Are you sure you’ve got everything, Alma?” he asked. “Toothbrush? Medications? Textbooks?”

“We went over everything a dozen times this morning,” Alma complained, rolling his eyes but glancing around the room nonetheless. “Yes, I’m sure I have… oh no.” His eyes widened and the stupid grin vanished, replaced by sheer panic.

Bak frowned. “What is it?”

“I left my viola in the car. At least I think it’s in the car, I remember putting it there this morning…”

“It is. I’ll go get it for you. You can start unpacking.” Bak patted Alma’s shoulder, and the grin returned to the boy’s face, full of relief this time.

“Thank you!” he called to his brother’s receding back. “So, what year are you?” he asked, and it took a moment for Allen to realize he was being addressed.

“I’m a freshman,” Allen replied. “Piano performance. What about you?”

“Technically I’m a sophomore, but this is my first year here,” Alma said. “I did my freshman year at community college.” He looked down as if his feet were suddenly very interesting. “It’s kind of awkward,” he admitted. “Everyone already knows each other, and they’re all probably really good…”

“You’re nervous?” Allen asked. Alma nodded, but didn’t make eye contact. “Hey, me too. At least you have a year of college done, so you’re used to the work and stuff. It’s all totally new to me. And you got in, right? So your audition had to be good enough to get in. You’ll be fine.”

“Thanks.” Alma remained quiet, still staring at his shoes, but after a moment he brightened as if a lightbulb had just switched on inside him. “Hey, maybe we have classes together! I know we’re not technically in the same year, but maybe we still have something that’s the same. Do you have your schedule?”

As it turned out, they had World Music together on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and by the time Bak returned with the viola Alma had opened up his laptop so he and Allen could look at the online syllabus together. Bak only stayed for a few more minutes, to exchange farewells with his brother, then departed with a reminder that Alma should call if he needed anything. Allen lingered to chat for a while, about classes and music and nothing particularly personal. As the clock edged past 10:30, he excused himself to go to bed and left Alma alone to unpack. Link would probably want to sleep soon, anyway – he seemed like the sort of person who went to bed early and got up early – and Allen wasn’t keen on pissing off his roommate and RA on the very first night by barging in and waking him up.

Everyone seemed friendly enough, he decided, lying in bed later and listening to the steady rise and fall of Link’s chest from across the room. Well, not Kanda, despite Lavi’s and Lenalee’s insistence that he was actually a good guy. But everyone else was nice. An eccentric bunch, to be sure, but what else was he expecting from a dorm full of musicians? This was probably the closest he would ever get to fitting in. He sighed and nestled deeper into his pillows, warmth spreading through his chest. This was going to be a good place, he decided. Maybe he’d actually manage to make some friends here. _But don’t get too close_ , he reminded himself abruptly, and some of the warmth in his chest vanished. _If you get close it’ll just hurt everyone more._

_*****_

Alma only unpacked what was necessary in order to make his bed before he stripped down to his boxers and crawled in between the sheets, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He could put them away tomorrow when he unpacked, but right now he was too tired to bother with doing anything. His late arrival hadn’t been planned. In fact, he’d been up at five this morning, checking to make sure he had everything while he ate scrambled eggs with mayo. He had all his things organized neatly in his bags, all his pencils sharpened and folders color-coded by subject. It was going to be a good year. He’d finished most of his gen eds already, so he could focus on the things he really cared about. He would be making music and making friends, and he would love every minute of it.

Until he had remembered, about halfway through the morning. Aside from a mutual love of music, he probably had nothing in common with the other students. They were all _normal._ Well, some of them might be weird, but they had normal lives and normal shit to deal with. Normal families, normal high school experiences. What was he supposed to do if someone asked what he did during high school? He’d mostly avoided questions at the community college, because there were all sorts of people and no one cared what anyone else was doing, but here practically everyone he saw was going to be a music major. He was going to have classes with the same people, and play music with them, and then they were going to want to get to know him, and they were going to ask questions, just normal innocent questions, but he wouldn’t be able to answer, because they wouldn’t be innocent questions for Alma, but if he didn’t answer they would keep asking, and then he would have to say something, and he couldn’t lie, but he couldn’t tell them either because they wouldn’t understand, and they’d either try to understand or shun him like the freak he was, and he didn’t know which was worse, and if they tried to understand they’d just ask more questions, and then he’d have to talk about it all, and for once he wanted to be able to interact with people who didn’t know about it, who treated him like he was normal, but if they didn’t know then their friendship was just a lie, because they would leave once they found out, but he didn’t want them to leave, but he didn’t want friends who were just fake, but if even _Yuu_ had left then how could anyone else stay, and… and…

And he hadn’t realized he was panicking until he tried to pick up his backpack to take it out to the car, and found he was shaking too badly to stand under its weight. Bak managed to catch him when he collapsed, and led him over to the couch, murmuring assurances that it was going to be okay. It wasn’t, but Alma let him talk, and stayed on the couch for an hour crying into Bak’s shoulder while Bak rubbed his back. His tears dried up eventually, and Bak made them lunch and called the university to make sure it would be okay to check in late, and by the time Alma felt steady enough to leave there was no way they were going to make it on time.

But it was okay, he reminded himself as he stared at the ceiling of his dorm room. No one had really cared that he was late. Link seemed nice enough. Allen was nice, and he hadn’t asked any personal questions. Bak had gotten his viola from the car. He had all weekend to unpack before classes started. It was okay.

His brain tried to tell him that it wasn’t, but one panic attack was enough for today, so he ignored it and fell asleep determined to spend the year making music and making friends like he had planned.


End file.
